Answerin' some more questions because the people MUST know what I think about random stuff from other people's brains.

Questions from ~Perahn:

1. Which is more dangerous in skilled hands: a paperclip or Blu-tack?
I'm going to go with Blu-tack, because apparently, if you burn the stuff, it lets off carbon monoxide and other toxic fumes. That's definitely dangerous in skilled hands. Quite!

2. What makes you speechless?
Whenever a character from a video game says something nice to my character. There's always a silent refractory period of approximately 3.9 seconds after having my brain knocked out of functionality by the scripted kindness of digitally rendered characters before I begin making incoherent noises at my screen.

3. How would you escape from a dentist's waiting-room?
I'm going to assume a lot of things:
A. I am, in fact, not waiting for the dentist. Otherwise, that would be my plan A. To wait for the dentist to come get me and do tooth things to my mouth hole.
B. I am locked in. Otherwise, that would be my plan B. To walk out the front door with my hands in the air like I just don't care. Except for when I open the door. I'll have to put them down for that.
C. This dentist is evil or something. Otherwise, I'd be like, "Dr. Bro-teeth, your door's locked, and I wanna leave. Can you fix that shiz?"

Assuming the aforementioned, I would dual wield old, rolled-up magazines and start with the receptionist. I would whack at her and threaten to give her papercuts until she gave me the key or told me where to find the key.

Of course, the key is with the dentist. I just attacked the poor woman for no reason. She had no idea the dentist was evil. I'm an ass. I apologize for messing up her hair and causing her to be mildly annoyed by my painfully unpainful "attack."

I kick open the door to the main dentist area. The receptionist yells at me for getting a dirty footprint on the door. I ignore her as I run down the hall yelling, "DENTIST! WHERE ARE YOU?!" He doesn't respond. Probably because his name isn't "dentist." I get stupid under pressure, okay? Don't judge me.

He's in his office. Not wanting to get yelled at by the receptionist anymore, I use the back of my hand to open the door (since I'm still holding my deadly magazine batons), which wasn't even locked. I start to wonder how smart this guy is, then I remember he's a dentist not an evil genius. He's sitting on his computer reading e-mails. But he was reading them in a SINISTER way, like leaning weirdly towards his screen, stroking his clean-shaven chin. Frowning and stuff. I guess. I don't know. That's a thing a dentist who is evil would probably do.

I'm all, "HEY! GUY! I want to leave your establishment! PLEASE. OPEN THE DOOR. OR ELSE!"

He's all, "Or else what?"

I whap him on the head with a February 2003 copy of Highlights.

His eyes start glowing. That's what I thought anyway. It's actually just an IM-window popping up on his screen and reflecting off his glasses. I panic, because, like I said, I'm not super bright under pressure. I use my magazines like glossy, out-of-date pincers and pry away his spectacles, throwing them onto the floor. I immediately feel bad, as he says something about those being expensive prescription glasses. I use my paper pincers to try to pick them up, but it just doesn't work very well. He gets really frustrated and just gives me the key. I have to abandon my August 2006 copy of Men's Health in order to accept my prize.

I yell, "SUCCESS!" Then I call the guy a name. I think I call him a monkey or something. I just wish it were something clever.

So, I go up to the door with the key and realize that it locks from the outside, like a normal door. All I had to do was just turn the bolt. I didn't even need the key. I pocket the key, thinking how cool it will be to have dentist keys on my keychain at home. Then, I walk to the pick-up place for my get-away vehicle. Which is the bus. I'm at a bus stop. And I have to wait.

So, as I open up the February 2003 Highlights and read about guilt-free cupcake recipes and how to make this Valentine's an affair to remember, I laugh at the words "Valentine's" and "affair" then immediately find myself wishing I had kept the Men's Health instead, so I could maybe get a look at some dude's abs or something. Despite my regrets, I know it was a necessary sacrifice. One that would live on...because the magazine was still there, just, y'know, on the floor of the dentist's office now.

Anyway, Men's Health, here's to you. Cheers.

4. Where is the Phantom of the Opera?
I saw him at Trader Joe's yesterday. He said he was living downtown now. The commute's not great, but the rent is surprisingly reasonable. He has no plans to move anytime soon.
(Okay, yeah, I've never seen Phantom of the Opera because I have the cultural refinement of a blind armadillo...and/or never had band class in school. I'm a tragedy. I know.)

5. Paragon or Renegade?
I'm a sappy, do-goodin' Paragon. I just want to save puppies and hug hanar until my arms fall off. Or until I die. Whichever comes first. (Although, if my arms fall off, I'm probably about to die.)

6. Which three-word phrase do you most like to hear?
"I brought donuts."

7. Where do odd socks go?
To weird, indie coffee shops, probably. That DON'T even have wi-fi. They don't even care about that shit. They just don't wanna give more money to THE MAN, man. Then, they decide to go backbacking in Europe and end up never coming back. I imagine they become Mediterranean fishers eventually and get really, really bleached. 'Cause socks don't tan. Eventually, they come back home 'cause they miss my dry, cold feet. Now that they're a different color, they match some other sock and are welcomed home warmly--by being shoved unceremoniously into my sock and underwear drawer.

8. Have you ever licked a lamp post in winter?
Oh man, I can't...this question...I just can't...Alistair...next question.

9. Are magnets magical in nature?
I don't know, but I REALLY want to go show monkeys magnets now.
Like REALLY badly.
I want to walk amongst them as an all-powerful-rock-sticking-together god and befuddle their primate minds with my incomprehensible forces of magnetic witchcraft.

10. What is the worst book you've ever read?
Uh...I don't know actually. I have to say that some of the Meg Cabot books besides The Princess Diaries were pretty...eh, not great, since they were pretty much the same story with a different setting. (Awkward girl, some kind of specific setting, hot guy, quirky guy, girl wants hot guy, ends up realizing quirky guy was the guy all along!) I still read them and loved them, but I was also 12 at the time. However, I will say that I'm 23 now, and The Princess Diaries is still one of my favorite movies ever. Mia Thermopolis gives me hope that one day awkward girls can become well-loved awkward girls.


Questions from *MoonEcho:

1) Who likes short shorts?
Ooh, grrrl, you know I do. On anyone.
I wear them a lot when I'm home, actually, since I find them easy to move around in when I do chores. Chores in my short shorts. Yeah.

2) If you had to engage in mortal combat with any mythical creature, which one would it be and why?
Maybe like a mermaid. A little mermaid girl. I'd totally punch her right in her mermaid face. What's she going to do me? She's a mermaid. She can't get out of the water unless a magical octopus squirts by. Even then, she wouldn't know how to walk, so I'd kick her back into the ocean, and she'd drown. I know it sounds horrible, but that's why you don't sign up for mortal combat, biatch.

3) What is your favorite constellation?
Actually, I've always been partial to the Emu in the Sky constellation m'self. It's not a star constellation though; it's a dark cloud constellation, which is awesome because it's like the most intense form of cloud watching ever. Space cloud watching. I wanna do it.

4) Congratulations! You've been selected for a free trial immortality. You must choose: you can either be a classical vampire (blood-drinking and mandatory nocturnal lifestyle) or you can get your mind uploaded into an artificial body. You don't get to pick what kind of body. What do you choose?
Oh, I would definitely go for the artificial body. I wouldn't even care what the thing could do. Although, if they need MY brain for it, it probably doesn't do much. Just plays video games and makes fun of things.

5) Recommend something! Your favorite webcomic or your favorite musical album right now. This should have been in the form of a question?
I'll answer in the form of a question to make the question quota work out. What is Mercan Dede's Breath? (It's good background music, especially for writing, I think. Favorite track: [link])

6) What is your favorite gameshow? Feel free to link to one of those wacky Japanese ones, those are always funny.
I wish I had a fun, wacky one as my favorite, but I love the good ol' fashioned Card Sharks. I watched that show all the time when I was younger, since it always came on around my lunch time. I also liked the Match Game and Family Feud. Dem classics.

7) If you had to smell strongly like something for the rest of your life, what scent do you choose?
Maybe cinnamon rolls. 'Cause that's ALWAYS a good smell. People would be all, "Who's making cinnamon buns?" and I'd be all, "These buns." (I would be pointing to my own butt, in case that wasn't clear.) I would be the ONLY ONE laughing. It'd be great.

8) Quick! Invent an onomatopoeia and tell us what makes that sound.
Plampf! Uh...falling down onto a big ol' leather sofa. Yeah, sounds about right. Wish I had one right now.

In other news, I can breathe today. Although, I'm still heavy-headed and easily confused. (Admittedly, one of those is a pre-existing condition.) Yay for modern medicine! Now, back to hiding from the outside...

All the best,
Alicia.